I want to explain myself - there is so much to explain and so much to apologise for. No-one seems to want to listen however. No-one seems to accept the fact that I have not been myself around them - as if they know better. This could mean one of two things.
A) My friends do not really care about my situation, or B) I do not know myself. I do not know which is the most unpleasant conclusion.
All I know is I need to explain myself to this girl - I am disturbed but she has said she wants to be with me, and I her. She is already involved with another guy though...someone whom she says doesn't care about her.
This hurts me so much.
What if I scare her off?
I'm drinking again. I'm feeling depressed again.
2 years of this is starting to take it's toll.
I never know what I'm going to do. I close my eyes and it's so much better. I open them disappointed that my feet are still on the ground. It took me an hour to walk back from her house. I wish I wish I wish I knew what I could do to stop this.
I have decided that my anonymity allows me to keep this blog going. I don't mind if people read it because it's not really me - to whoever reads it this is random internet man. A brief pause in thought before a quick wank and then bed.
It's little more for me.
But to me it is important.
Emptiness.
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