Or maybe...

...I'm just a completely self-absorbed, disillusioned cunt struggling to come to terms with his lack of talent, wit, or attractiveness.

Either way - let's have a drink. Yeah?

The meaning...

...has been taken out of everything. I've been working for so long to get it back. Things are thrown at us so relentlessly every moment of every day that even when we do step back and relax, we still fail to really comprehend what it is that is happening. We are detached from the very basics and the origins of what surrounds us to such an extent that what we actually get is a completely distorted view of the world.
I tried hard to get the wonder and the meaning back - but it is so hard to maintain, as you soon relax back into that previous state of dumb acceptance. This is perhaps my first coherent writing (if indeed, it is coherent) and it feels quite good. I am very lonely right now but this is helping me to look back - see how stupid I have been even over the past few days. This is a good thing.
I still try to understand the mind of the man who designed the chair I am sitting on, and the table I am writing at. This also makes me think that the functional world is full of failure. The child did not grow up and go to graphic design courses to design tables - but he was not good enough to achieve his dream. Behind every design and every constructed object there lies the stories of people who feel just like everyone else - slightly disappointed and frustrated. Never really knowing what's going on, but stuck in a world we think we have to live in.
This is a stream of consciousness - i would do well to review it later.
I'm sure I'm an idiot - but never mind. Even idiots can make sense sometimes. I'm sure Kant just had a really good editor to cut his stuff down. (A Pamphlet on Pure Reason would suffice).

I think I might just be a small mind, confused with the grand scale of life. Or maybe I just don't like taking things for granted.

It's a good thing this isn't real.

There are no less attractive attributes than arrogance and pretentiousness. It's a good thing this isn't real. I suppose I have a fear of being judged even here - but then that's the point of it. Somewhere I can be anonymous. Not a blog - just a place I can dare myself to write.

I need to keep this going.

Maybe...

I've always been on the warm side of a cold shoulder.
Maybe I'm just arrogant in my interpretation?
Either way - she can hurt me.
This is good thing.

You may as well...

...have your boss stood over your bed holding a starting pistol.

Here

Not always around
but mostly here
if there was nothing else to talk into as I sit and watch
it is this.

a world comes to this
my secret

judge me

I'm Practising.